Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Mormans are coming!

It was a warm sunny unsuspecting Sunday evening when I am startled by the sudden burst of my wife through the door. Gasping for air she blurts out, "THE MORMONS!" followed by frantic closing of the blinds because our living room window goes out into the parking lot where the lurking Mormons were waiting. They were talking to some poor fool who was trying to move, and apparently, find Jesus at the same time.
We waited.
And spied.
And waited, until we were certain the Mormons had left. Then we foolishly opened the blinds to let in the sunshine and not more than 30 seconds after, the Mormons walked by and saw my wife and I through the window. "SHIT" Nikki blurts out and runs to the bedroom.
I stood firm and awaited their beckoning knock. Knock, Knock. Even though I tried to prepare myself, I wasn't nearly ready, mentally. I answered to two younger looking men with a smile from ear to ear. "Hi" the obviously dominate of the two says enthusiastically. "Hello" I said with a slight squint in my eye. I neglected to allow them entry into my house so the rest of the conversation was held in the doorway.

The Mormon initiate then explained to me that they were out talking to people about Jesus. He ended his spiel with a question, "So, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?"
"Actually, no" i replied, "I don't believe in god." the quiet mormon was taken aback like he had never heard such blasphemy. The second one responded, "Oh, may I ask why?" to which I calmly responded, "because I have an education."
Now I didn't mean for it to come out the way it sounded and I hope they weren't offended but I'm sure they were cursing me under their breath. Then I fumbled around trying to not sound so snooty about it. "Well, I mean, I am a biologist and I took lots of evolutionary biology classes and in my mind the two don't really mesh very well. The bolder of the two mormons swung his crooked are through the air as if to say we'll get 'em next year. As he did this motion he said, "darn that science." he continued, "Well do you mind if I give you some pamphlets!"
Which I took.


  1. Bwahahaha...."The Mormons"....

  2. Hey, Mr. Glob! Love this story! We have so much in common... I also hide from Mormon, Jehovah's Witness and Hari Krishna visitors. I remember hiding in my dorm closet once to avoid a Hari Krishna. Am I giving away my age? And I'm originally from Iowa to boot, just like the Good Twin.
    Anyway, thanks for stopping by my blog! Look forward to reading more from you!

  3. "The Mormons are coming! The Mormons are coming!" That's hilarious! We get the Jehovah's Witnesses, all 15 of them, outside our front door every now and then. I just wave to them through my picture window. :)

  4. Well at least you answered the door. I know some that would sit there, television blaring and not answer.


  5. Oh, of coarse. Not to answer would be rude - and thats the last thing I want to be to religous messengers. That way if there is a God and a heaven maybe i'll get by because of good behavior... maybe.

  6. I know what you mean ...

    I only crack the door slightly
    With my two dogs barking and ask what they want
    Already knowing

    I tell them I'm a Vacationing Catholic
    (I grew up Catholic)

    I don't take the brochures ...

    Funny story though ...

  7. Hi Mr. Glob! I left you a little something over at How to Become a Cat Lady....

  8. this is so much better than my reaction, which involves telling them I don't speak English and my husband isn't home to translate.