Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I only buy Un-fair trade coffee

I have never liked coffee. It is one of those things that smells pretty good (and sometimes really good when you get flavored coffees) but then ruins your day by destroying the image of what it should have tasted like in your head; they all taste like crap. Now some of you, namely my wife, will scowl at this last comment as if I'm some immature little kid who couldn't understand the flavor because it is an acquired taste. An acquired taste says to me I need to build up my taste buds to be able to handle, nay, enjoy the flavor of the item being tasted. I need to alter myself in someway to understand how it can be enjoyable. The old adage "practice makes perfect" could almost be applied to things with an acquired taste. Malarkey I say. The only way I can choke down a cup of this vile bitter liquid is to mix in 2 of those coffeehouse creamers and a packet of sugar and even then a shiver goes down my spine that puckers my asshole. The only reason I would entertain the idea of drinking coffee is if I can't sleep and need to be focused at work and not writing silly blogs!!! Then you get all jirttey and sartt mkanig mtsakies wehn tpinyg.

I started drinking coffee last week :( and I'm so ashamed.

My old boss Stuart taught me a very useful lesson when it comes to making yourself feel better. Whenever he was having a bad day he would do something bad for the environment to ease his pain. For instance, on a particularly bad day I witnessed him using no less than 15 paper towels to clean 1 square foot of counter top. Then he proceeded to throw several batteries in the garbage. I was an Ecology major so my outlet is a little different than destroying the environment. To ease my pain of succumbing to the coffee bandwagon, i decided to only buy unfair trade coffee. Take that poor coffee growers!!!
I'm feeling better already...

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

My daughter is a party animal

My daughter woke up in the middle of the night this last saturday and puked everywhere! "Eww!" you say. Normally I would say that as well but I was still kind of asleep when I brought her to the bathroom. And my wife sneakily followed me and changed the sheets before we got back in the room so it wasn't that bad at all!!! Anywho, the point of the story is my wife and I couldn't sleep afterwards and began to make fun of her.

Nikki: Pfft, lightweight.

Me: I know right!! God I am never inviting her to my party.

Nikki: I kinda feel bad making fun of her while she is sick.

Me: Well maybe she won't drink so much next time

Nikki: (after some silence) I hope she has a hangover, maybe then she will learn.

Me: Let's draw a mustache!

Nikki: OMG do you have a marker!

Me: yeah, but I'm too tired, maybe when she wakes up.

I guess it is a good thing we didn't write on her because the marker I had was a sharpie and i don't think it would have worn off by monday. AND she ended up having to go to the hospital on monday so they probably would have frowned on a big mustache on a two year olds face.

I was lucky. Let this be a lesson: Dont keep sharpies in your house, it could ruin your family.

Update: Daughter is fine now. Just something viral they said... blah blah blah...

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Thanks mom, a.k.a KC at Good Twin-Bad Twin for this Premiere Meme award. In order to post it I need to list 7 personality traits and pass it on to seven other people.

I also received the superior scribbler award from Cat Lady Larew.
Here are the rules Cat Lady sent me for becoming a Superior Scribbler:
*Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
(see below)
*Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award. (In this case. Cat Lady Larew.)
*Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.

*Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!

So I guess in order to display these I need to give it away now. "give it away, give it away, give it away now" and also list some personality traits of my own; seven to be exact.
1) I am dripping with sarcasm and humor even at the most inappropriate times
2) My wife makes me watch "rom-coms". I always complain but, I usually like them in secret

3) I am very absent minded most of the time. I have been known to forget birthdays... and send christmas cards in july.

4) If I ever meet you I will forget who you are; just keep reminding me.
5) I used to be a magician (I don't know if this counts as a trait, but I don't care.)

6) I always trust my gut instinct... Always
7) I sometimes tell people I'm greek without telling them it's only like 1/8th greek. Hey what they don't know won't hurt them.

Now to nominate people who I think are deserving.

Yo Mama's Blog - Because I too have been vandalized by hoodlums with shoe polish

Lora at Fever because I enjoy oompa loompa humor.

f8hasit - because she is a masochist

Yellow Trash Diaries - because she can and will queef given the opportunity

47 And Starting Over - the man of her dreams sounds pretty damned funny

Ron at Vent “Itchy-bitchy, doobie-doobie, da-da, ma, la la!”… need i say more.

To Have a Parsnip because he has some funny ass comics up on there

Now there is also someone else I wanted to mention. She doesn't really blog but she has an art studio online and some of these paintings are very cool and i thought I would share it with you all now. Theresa Maxwell's Studio

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Annoying Bird recording to keep Birds Away!

WTF! So I go out to lunch with some co-workers and when we park it sounds like there are frickin cock fights happening in the parking lot!! I look around for a moment to realize there is no carnage or violent illegal acts... what the hell is going on!. The sound was coming from the billboard just over the parking lot. These birds were mangling each other it was like watching texas chainsaw massacre with no picture.. You know something bad is happening but your not quite sure what it is. I continue my inquiry with squinting eyes and a puzzled face until one of my co-workers said "thats just a recording to keep birds away" like its no big deal! Like he hears bird slaughters all day and he can just tune it out!!! When we get done eating and were on our way back to the car the supposed "fake" birds are still at it with the same verocity as when we entered the establishment. the reasoning for the speakerswas put this way by one of the guys "at least a recording can't shit on your car." truth at its finest.

However, the fact remains that somebody somewhere had to actually record these birds' battle cries. How does someone get that job "Alright Fred, now what I want you to do is put both birds in the box and then hit record." I picture the boss being kinda fat for some reason with a trucker accent.

I think what I'll do is hire someone to go around exterminating nuissance birds :). Oh yes, this is going to be sweet revenge on the supposed "fake" birds.

Fruit Stripe Gum is Back!!!

Holy crap!!! Fruit strip gum is back! I was driving down the highway when I saw a SEMI with this exact logo, colors and all, painted completely around the trailor. As you can probably imagine, this was indeed the most obnoxious semi to follow - of all time. First of all the sun was in my eyes, thats annoying enough. Second, i felt like a rainbow barfed all over the road and I had to look at it for like 25 minutes!!! I hate barf let alone brightly colored barf in the morning.

I remember getting multiple packs of fruit stripe gum when I was a kid. Not because I liked it so much that I wanted to have multiple packs, but because the flavor was gone after 4 full chew motions. After that it felt like you were chewing cardboard or shoes or something, which is probably why there was a whole semi full of it driving down the road.

Anyway, for any of you closet fruit stipe lovers - we have some left in IOWA.

P.S. Speaking of disappearing candy, has anyone seen Zotz lately?? They were my fav!